I Tried Not To Watch “American Idol”

…and I didn’t last night. From the blogging world I have already gathered that the underage Jordin has won.

To commemorate this occasion, I am reposting my humorous account of last year’s winner, a guy who resembled faith healer Benny Hinn’s twin.

Faith Healer Hailed as American Idol!

Wednesday May 24, 2006

Controversial Faith Healer Benny Hinn has defeated Katherine McPhee to become the new American Idol.

During his winning duet, “I’ve Had (the Time of my Life)” from the movie, “Dirty Dancing”, several dozen fans unexpectedly collapsed onto the floor and had to be removed by paramedics for safety reasons.

Approximately half of those fans reported feeling a jolt resulting in improved physical characteristics, from unclogged nostrils to being able to jump up and down to being able to touch their toes.

Head Judge, Simon Cowell, said of the incident,

“I think he is a counterfeit performer, and these strange phenomena are obviously fake, a result of group hypnosis by our new American Idol.”

Sara Groves on TV Spot

Wednesday night, while being subjected to another episode of American Idol, I saw a spot for La-Z-Boy sofas with a familiar country-ish sounding song on it… “All Right Here”.

‘What is that song” quoth I? After wracking my brain for awhile I realized it was none other than my longtime favorite CCM artist, Sara Groves. She has been my favorite for several years now and is one of the bright spots in the CCM industry due to her profound lyrical ability, insights on life, and choice of producers. My brother & sister-in-law featured some of her songs in their wedding (they also featured songs by Rick Astley, but I won’t even go there).

Her songs ALL sound different and the form and instrumentation is so creative that her cd’s are a complete delight to experience. I can not write anywhere near this glowingly about any other CCM artist that comes to mind. One of her recently manifested passions is helping the poor in the 3rd world. Due to my “Bono Fatigue” (contracted while I was in the “young adults” demographic at a former church), I am looking for other artists to support and fill my mind with and Sara is at the top of the list.

So anyhow she has consented to selling this riff from her title track of a past CD for commercialization purposes. Why am I not condemning her for this? Because I’m pretty sure she did it to feed more hungry kids. Also I like that she didn’t “sell out” within CCM, she made some bucks and exposure in the corporate world, with La-Z-Boy. Shrewd. Did I mention that she also has a myspace page?

Faith Healer Becomes New American Idol

Faith Healer Hailed as American Idol!
Wednesday May 24, 2006

Controversial Faith Healer Benny Hinn has defeated Katherine to become the new American Idol.

During his winning duet, “I’ve Had (the Time of my Life)” from the movie, “Dirty Dancing”, several dozen fans unexpectedly collapsed onto the floor and had to be removed by paramedics for safety reasons.

Approximately half of those fans reported feeling a jolt resulting in improved physical characteristics, from unclogged nostrils to being able to jump up and down to being able to touch their toes.

Head Judge, Simon Cowell, said of the incident, “I think he is a counterfeit performer, and these strange phenomina are obviously fake, a result of group hypnosis by our new American Idol.”